I can't believe that it has been so long since I have written here. I have had a lot of things going on in my head. I just haven't written them down.
As of tomorrow, I will be well over half way in my radiation treatments: my 29th out of 45 treatments. I am really looking forward to ending this.
Up until now I have felt some fatigue, but not much else. This weekend, I started feeling some other symptoms that I heard might happen. My mouth is much drier than usual, my skin has been dry but is now getting even drier. I am really thirsty a lot but drinking a lot of fluids means I have to "go" as you know. And when I "go" it hurts...really hurts. That has been getting worse the last few days. (It results from your urethra being scarred and raw from the radiation.) I have felt some fatigue and dizziness this weekend...and the dizziness is new. Its kinda scary too.
None of this is unusual. Others have gone through it. With time I will be better. All I need is for time to pass and for me to hang in there. I would be lying if I said that hanging in there and being patient is no problem. Sometimes I understand why some who are going through this just get sick of it and give up.
At the same time I am going through this, we are having to plan and figure out how we are going to get Allie moved to California without breaking the bank. She is going out there to Law School. I am very proud of her. I know I am going to miss her very much. But before I can do that, I have to figure out how to help her get there. My treatments will be finished by then...and I won't be able to lift or carry much of anything...but I can drive.
So many adjustments, so little time. So many changes. Up and down...here to there...hot to hotter...energy to fatigue...Texas to California...middle age to too freaking old...salt and pepper to grey and white...and on and on it goes...alive and full of energy to alive and dragging my tail behind me.
If it was all up to me, there is no way I could get through all of this. Being around positive people helps me to stay positive. Being around people who are functioning helps me to function. Sometimes, when I am trying to rest on these weekends and I don't see many other people, it feels like I am just sinking deeper and deeper into my chair. I have to protect myself and take care of myself, but at the same time I have to stay in touch with the community around me. It is sometimes a challenge in more ways than one. If I had to stay home from work all week, it would be a huge struggle to keep going.
Time passes. Events in our life pass that we seldom recognize as meaningful until we are way further down the road. So, whatever comes to us as time passes is meaningful. Embrace what comes...and know that God will provide sufficient grace for you. When events threaten to overwhelm you, it is hard to remember that grace will suffice...but its true,